THE SOUL OF SISTERS

I was watching Oprah's Life Classes with Iyanla Vanzant this past Sunday and I was moved.  They were examining the relationships that women have with one another. They were shining light on the reason women are so hard on one another.  I must say that I was immediately able to identy with every thing that they were speaking one.  Now I would be a liar(which I am not), if I told you that I had not been the aggressor in many situations in my life time.  I have gossiped, I have been mean, I have competed and even been petty.  I have also been the victim. Which really tied into the fact that, "EVERYTHING WE PUT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE AT SOME POINT RETURNS TO US".  My question as an adult woman who sees her flaws, faults and knows better is, how do we stop the cycle? How do we begin to respect one another as women? 

Like I said before, I have been both victim and aggressor in these type situations.  Honestly I only in recent years begin to see the error of my ways.  I have always been this strong willed person.  Even when I fell victim to mean girls.  During middle/high school, I was not at all the most popular.  I was physically more mature than other girls my age.  Although I had nice clothes, my mom didn't allow us to wear many of the things other girls wore.  Yeah, I got to go places and do things but there were major restrictions.  All of these things made me a target.  However, honestly I never cared. I was comfortable with who I was and I never aspired to be anyone different. 

I guess because my mother instilled certain things in my, I was always this strong uncompromising person.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that comprise isn't all bad.  My mom always taught me to, "talk two time talk", meaning if you say it once be prepared to say it again.  Now I have lived by that all my life but the reality is, even though you say it again, you can still be wrong.  I have always known I was pretty but I have down talked or competed with others.  Maybe I did it because I wasnt happy with my body.  Maybe it was because I wanted something that the next sister had. Maybe, I didn't feel she deserved what she had.  Whatever the reason...... I did it.  I learned at a young age, that you dont have to be friends with everyone you come in contact with but, did I have to be mean?  The answer is no, but many times I was.  Not thinking about my sister's feelings, only knowing that I wasnt willing to compromise what I felt. 

I know that I give my mother credit for much  of my character, but in no way am I speaking negatively of the roots and wings she gave me.  What I am saying is I used the strength, knowledge and life tools she equipped me with in the wrong way on occasions.  I guess that is what she meant when she said, "I tell you things so you will have a good start up but eventually you will use that to come into your own".  While coming into my own I guess I begin to conform to societies norm. 

It has become a fact that women don't work well together.  Anytime there is a group of women, the likeliness that drama, gossiping and competition will arise is great.  I think that it is sad that women are unable to have the freedom to connect the way men do.  Yeah men have issues with one another but not to the extent that women do.  Why are the souls of sisters so heavy?  Why do we feel the need to rip one another apart?  Why can't we all be great, and appreciate the greatness in one another? 

BIGMAMA'S CLOTHING......... P.H.A.T GIRL FRESH

Well I always tell people, "there are three things I know best"!!  Those things are hoes, clothes and Negroes.  The reason I say this is because I have great knowledge and experience when it comes to all three.  Now those who know me will tell you that I have been trying to build a brand for many years.  Hell, I never even consider a name for a long time.  All I knew was that I wanted to design and sell plus size clothes. Honestly, I wasn't even wrapped up in the money, I just wanted to give plus size women a boost.  Over the years, I tried to get to my goal in a number of ways, but nothing seemed to work, I guess that was God pumping the brakes.  So I waited and waited and waited..........  Last year, I started up again, and this time it was full steam ahead!!  I came up with a name for the company, along with a slogan.  I started designing shirts for the t-shirt line.  I even consulted with some major players just to get some input and insight, not because I didn't believe but wanted to be sure.  Although the entire process is hard and at times I feel like giving up I can't because I know that this is part of my calling.  

The thing about finding a company name is that it seemed as though all the good names were taken.  I had to really sit down and consider what was my driving force.  What or who inspired me?  Then it came to me, my Bigmama (Ms. Linnie Bell McCoy)!!!  My great aunt, a woman who had been more like a mother and a grandmother to me.  A beautiful woman who was strong, God fearing and loving.  A woman who has helped to usher many women into womanhood.  Growing up I remember watching her dress and thinking about how pretty she was and how I couldn't wait to be able to dress like her.  I would watch her comb her wigs and think, "I am going to wear my hair like that".  I kept thinking and realized that there are a lot of Bigmama's in the world.  Our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and even family friends.  Women who embodied strength, wisdom and God given beauty.  These women inspired generations of women just like me to be....... GREAT, STRONG, WISE AND GOD-FEARING.  I know that a lot of plus size women associate the word big with negativity when it come to body image but it is the reality of their existence.  I always say, you cant get upset when your reality presents itself because it is what it is.  So, deal with it.  

Now the slogan P.H.A.T GIRL FRESH, was my brain child.  This was the first slogan I came up with, and I immediately created t-shirts with it on them.  To me it is nice, catchy and fitting not just from plus size women.  For years, P.H.A.T has served as an acronym for Pretty, Hot and Tempting, and that is good too.  However, for me, it went deeper.  The P, symbolized and number of things for me, pretty, passionate and most of all phenomenal.  The H, is for haute because it is defined as elegant and high class but it is geared around fashion.   The A is for alluring, which mean to powerfully attract or charm, it also means to tempt.  The T, proved to have just as much to offer as the P... The T can means Tempting, talented and/or thick.  In spite of what each person chooses to capture from the letters, it is meant to empower.  To encourage plus size women to be as fly as they wanna be and not apologize for it.  To be P.H.A.T GIRL FRESH means to be strong, to be sexy, to be stylish, to be original, and to ooze confidence.  

I have so many amazing plans for Bigmama's Clothing, not one's that only benefit me but women as a whole. I want to promote and encourage  women to love themselves now.  I want them to be strong and confident now, not if or when they lose weight.  In spite of all that you are you must love yourself!!!  I want more than anything for women around the world to take back what society has robbed them of, the ability to identify with the beauty of themselves.  We are all Gods children and no one has the right to tell us that we are worthless based on our weight.  More than that, we don't have the right to give in to what other's think and we sure don't have the right not to love ourselves.  

BEAUTIFUL YOU

It really saddens me that some of the most beautiful people second guess themselves because of others.  Just because others see you differently doesn't make you any less fabulous.  Society is set up to make us feel as though we have to be perfect but no one is.  No one will ever be blessed enough to be excepted fully by everyone.  No matter who you please, in spite of who embraces your talent and beauty, there will be someone who has an issue.  Since this is our reality, why not cut the middle men(women) out and opt to just be happy on your own terms.  Except the reality of your existence and be as fabulous as God intended for you to be.

I know that people see me as this strong, confident, beautiful intelligent woman(well that what I have been told).  However, I have not always been this way.  I went through a period in which I thought I was ugly, fat and unworthy of any thing great.  I felt as though I had no purpose. I literally had to learn to love myself.  I had to come to terms with the reality of my existence.  I had to stand face to face with myself.  I know that sounds easy but it is not.  In no way is it easy to dissect yourself, but that is exactly what I did.  I opened myself up and extracted both the good and the bad and then analyzed it.  Some of the things that I thought were bad were good, and some of the things I thought were good were bad.  Of course the good needed no adjusting but the bad had to be reckoned with.  Why was I  mean?  Why was I a fighter?  Why was I depressed?  Why was I sad? What I came up with was probably the same thing many of you would come up with if you did the same.... It is not you that has made you second guess yourself, it is society.  

Society has made us believe so many lies and these lies ultimately tear us down.  You know what I mean..........  if you aren't a size 3 you are fat, and if you are fat you are worthless.  If you don't look a certain way, you are ugly or if you don't have certain material items you are irrelevant. However, as I said before, these are all lies!!!  You don't have to conform to be beautiful, all you have to do is BE.

Stop letting others make you feel like your not whatever it is that you know you are.  If you know that you are a beautiful, intelligent person, be that person.  Be bold about who you are and what you possess.
If you aren't proud, appreciative or in tune with who are, you can't live...... You just exist.  Life is so much happier when you live out loud.  Society my have its standards but when you say to the world; this is me, I make no apologies or excuses for who I am, I love that person that I see in the mirror and I am not going away, the world had two options. The first option is to see you for who you are and love you.  The second is remain ignorant and closed minded and respect you. 

So with all of that being said, in spite of your imperfections....... YOU BETTA WERK!!!  Stut as if you are a peacock!! Let the world know, I am here, I am beautiful and I refuse to be denied!!!