I was watching Oprah's Life Classes with Iyanla Vanzant this past Sunday and I was moved. They were examining the relationships that women have with one another. They were shining light on the reason women are so hard on one another. I must say that I was immediately able to identy with every thing that they were speaking one. Now I would be a liar(which I am not), if I told you that I had not been the aggressor in many situations in my life time. I have gossiped, I have been mean, I have competed and even been petty. I have also been the victim. Which really tied into the fact that, "EVERYTHING WE PUT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE AT SOME POINT RETURNS TO US". My question as an adult woman who sees her flaws, faults and knows better is, how do we stop the cycle? How do we begin to respect one another as women?
Like I said before, I have been both victim and aggressor in these type situations. Honestly I only in recent years begin to see the error of my ways. I have always been this strong willed person. Even when I fell victim to mean girls. During middle/high school, I was not at all the most popular. I was physically more mature than other girls my age. Although I had nice clothes, my mom didn't allow us to wear many of the things other girls wore. Yeah, I got to go places and do things but there were major restrictions. All of these things made me a target. However, honestly I never cared. I was comfortable with who I was and I never aspired to be anyone different.
I guess because my mother instilled certain things in my, I was always this strong uncompromising person. It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that comprise isn't all bad. My mom always taught me to, "talk two time talk", meaning if you say it once be prepared to say it again. Now I have lived by that all my life but the reality is, even though you say it again, you can still be wrong. I have always known I was pretty but I have down talked or competed with others. Maybe I did it because I wasnt happy with my body. Maybe it was because I wanted something that the next sister had. Maybe, I didn't feel she deserved what she had. Whatever the reason...... I did it. I learned at a young age, that you dont have to be friends with everyone you come in contact with but, did I have to be mean? The answer is no, but many times I was. Not thinking about my sister's feelings, only knowing that I wasnt willing to compromise what I felt.
I know that I give my mother credit for much of my character, but in no way am I speaking negatively of the roots and wings she gave me. What I am saying is I used the strength, knowledge and life tools she equipped me with in the wrong way on occasions. I guess that is what she meant when she said, "I tell you things so you will have a good start up but eventually you will use that to come into your own". While coming into my own I guess I begin to conform to societies norm.
It has become a fact that women don't work well together. Anytime there is a group of women, the likeliness that drama, gossiping and competition will arise is great. I think that it is sad that women are unable to have the freedom to connect the way men do. Yeah men have issues with one another but not to the extent that women do. Why are the souls of sisters so heavy? Why do we feel the need to rip one another apart? Why can't we all be great, and appreciate the greatness in one another?
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