No matter how much we grow as people, there is one issue that always sneaks back into our homes. That issue is domestic violence. Domestic violence was traditional defined as violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women. However, men can and are victims of domestic violence as well. The fact is although love is not perfect it damn sure doesn't hurt and no one has the right to physically or verbally abuse another.
Sadly enough domestic violence is again in the news following the murder/suicide in which, Jovan Belcher a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs, shot and killed his girlfriend and later himself. The situation is very sad because no one has answers and now there is a three month old baby who has neither a mother nor a father. No one knows exactly what happened that led to the shooting other than the fact that the couple argued following Kasandra Perkins, 22 attending a concert the following night. Police were contacted about the incident by Belcher's own mother, who reportedly stated that her daughter had been shot by her boyfriend. As so many people mourn and ask why, we must face the reality that this will not be the last time this type of tragedy strikes.
For many years, domestic violence was like that "pink elephant" in the room, every one knew it existed but no one acknowledged it. However, with so many celebrities breaking their silence, and cases like O.J Simpson and Floyd Mayweather, domestic violence has a voice. I remember growing up and watching my Fat Daddy(my grandma's long time boyfriend) beat on my Nannie(my grandmother). I know that as a child behavior is learned but I never felt that it was right. Although I loved and respected him(and still do), I never ever thought that what he did to her and us was right. The reason I said us is because at the time me and my cousin were living with my Nannie and it really hurt and traumatized us. What people tend to forget about domestic violence is there are indirect victims too. Those of us who witness the abuse with no control over the situation, bare just as many scares as the ones who are being physically and verbally abused. As a girl, I had the same question that I have for victims now; why don't you leave? I was so bothered by the fact that my Nannie did not have the strength to just leave. However, once her children got wind of it, she did leave but she allowed him back into our lives and it wasn't long before he was beating her again. This is the sad truth of so many victims.
I am sure their are a number of issue that lead a person to become violent and enraged. Many times the anger comes from a build up of stress and tension. The actions may even be out of the person's character, from all the accounts police have received, Belcher was a good guy but something made him snap. I am sure that there is a place in many of the aggressor's head that can justify all of their actions. It is an illness and must be treated as such. Just as drug abuse has to be treated, so does physical and emotional abuse. I know that many times victims feel obligated to stay in the situation due to love and loyalty. However, the truth is you staying is only making the situation worse. When domestic violence is present the entire family unit is injured and the entire family unit needs to be healed. This healing doesn't mean that the victim has to remain or return to the situation, just that they need to identify with signs and why it was allowed so it never happens again. Your children need to know that this isn't acceptable behavior and that it isn't their fault. Can you imagine how Belcher's mother has to feel? To have witnessed her son commit such a crime and then learn that he had taken his own life. She lost two people whom she loved dearly and is left to raise a grandchild who unknowingly bares the scares of domestic violence. Now that is a wound that will never heal...
No relationship is perfect and love is a roller coaster ride but it shouldn't leave you battered and bruised. Never underestimate where a person's anger can take them and where it can leave you. If they hit you once with no repercussions......... I WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!! if they threaten to kill you, believe them and act quickly. Their are many victims that could have saved their own lives if they had just taken heed to the signs.
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