Laughing in the Face of Adversity

I am sure that everyone at some point has fell victim to their assumptions.  I can admit that I have plenty of times, and this situation was no different.  As I prepared for my interview with the beautiful Editor-in-Chief of POSE Magazine, Tiffany Jones Keaton, I found myself replaying the things that I already knew about her.   Editor-in-Chief of POSE, finalist on Monique’s F.A.T Chance in 2006 and a proud mother of what has to be the most adorable little boy.  I even knew that at a point in her life she struggled with capturing her feminine side, although she seems to have mastered it now.  Despite all that I learned about Tip Jones, there was double that I didn't know.

Tip Jones, a beautiful, successful and talented woman.  Tip Jones, loving mother, devoted wife and inspiration to all that come in contact with her.  Tip Jones, a woman who has attempted to take her own life nearly 30 times but was save when she heard, “the voice of God.”  Tip Jones, a woman with a testimony that every woman can identify with in some manner.  Tip Jones, a strong, God fearing woman who is making huge deposits into the bank of life. 

I don’t know where I heard it but the phrase, “thank God, I don’t look like what I have been through,” continues to come to mind as I replay the conversation with Tip.    When she and I begin talking about her life, she explained that she lived a comfortable childhood and even graduated high school with honors at the age of 16 years old.  However, In the midst of all that Tip found herself depressed, taking an assortment of medication, receiving electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) and hospitalized.  As she travels back to her final suicide attempt, Tip recalls hearing God say “get up and that is what she did.”  During her hospital stay for this final attempt, Tip says that she made God a promise; “if you allow me to get off these meds without having withdrawals, I will never take them again.”

And so it was, Tip Jones began to walk towards her destiny.  She stated that she began working security jobs but she “knew that her life wasn’t where it was going to stay.”  She like most of us had dreams and although she didn’t know what to call it, she knew at a very young age that she would one day be an entrepreneur.   After attending her first model call with pumps in hand and Timberlands on her feet, Tip attends the casting for Monique’s F.A.T. Chance with little to no expectations.  However, she ended up living in a mansion with other women from all walks of life.  Tip stated that although she “had no job and only $40 in her pocket,” she said to God, “okay, this is my life. 

Now I know that most of you are thinking, wow, great story.  Well it isn’t over.  After laughing in the face of adversity and coming a little closer to her destiny, Tip found herself face to face with death again.  During what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of life, she experiences more hell.  During her pregnancy, Tip became so ill that she “wrote out her will.”   “Once I gave birth, I instantly began to feel better but five days later, I could not walk or hold my son,” Tip stated.  However, once again, Tip laughed in the face of adversity. 

Tip began working in the plus size industry under the wing of pioneer Gwen Devoe, at The Plus Academy.  This is also where her other baby, POSE Magazine was conceived.  Since then the magazine has grown into a major publication that has featured the who’s who in plus size industry.  Although Pose is highly respected, that isn’t good enough for Tip Jones; she is ready to take her baby to the next level. 

With the expansion of the magazine, working on her memoirs, managing her husband’s career and maintaining her other businesses, Tip is a busy woman.  However, she still makes time to pour into the lives of other women.  Tiffany knows that God took her to those low places in her life so that she could one day save other girls and women.  She identifies with the responsibility that has been placed on her life and she doesn’t take it lightly at all.  Tip uses her life’s truth as a map that guides other women to live their best lives. Many women (including me), see her and think she is too fabulous to know their struggles, but those are just assumptions.  The bold, fierce and fearless woman that stands before us is our sister and like so many of us, womanhood did not greet her with a smile.

 Tip Jones is not superwoman.  Nevertheless she is without a doubt; passionate about life, happy with whom she is, appreciative to God for His many blessings and true to herself and others…….. TIP JONES IS P.H.A.T. GIRL FRESH

LOVE DOESN'T HURT (Domestic Violence)!!!

No matter how much we grow as people, there is one issue that always sneaks back into our homes.  That issue is domestic violence.  Domestic violence was traditional defined as violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women.  However, men can and are victims of domestic violence as well. The fact is although love is not perfect it damn sure doesn't hurt and no one has the right to physically or verbally abuse another.

Sadly enough domestic violence is again in the news following the murder/suicide in which, Jovan Belcher  a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs, shot and killed his girlfriend and later himself.  The situation is very sad because no one has answers and now there is a three month old baby who has neither a mother nor a father.  No one knows exactly what happened that led to the shooting other than the fact that the couple argued following Kasandra Perkins, 22 attending a concert the following night.  Police were contacted about the incident by Belcher's own mother, who reportedly stated that her daughter had been shot by her boyfriend.  As so many people mourn and ask why, we must face the reality that this will not be the last time this type of tragedy strikes. 

For many years, domestic violence was like that "pink elephant" in the room, every one knew it existed but no one acknowledged it.  However, with so many celebrities breaking their silence, and cases like O.J Simpson and Floyd Mayweather, domestic violence has a voice.  I remember growing up and watching my Fat Daddy(my grandma's long time boyfriend) beat on my Nannie(my grandmother).  I know that as a child behavior is learned but I never felt that it was right.  Although I loved and respected him(and still do), I never ever thought that what he did to her and us was right.  The reason I said us is because at the time me and my cousin were living with my Nannie and it really hurt and traumatized us.  What people tend to forget about domestic violence is there are indirect victims too.  Those of us who witness the abuse with no control over the situation, bare just as many scares as the ones who are being physically and verbally abused.  As a girl, I had the same question that I have for victims now; why don't you leave?  I was so bothered by the fact that my Nannie did not have the strength to just leave.  However, once her children got wind of it, she did leave but she allowed him back into our lives and it wasn't long before he was beating her again.  This is the sad truth of so many victims.

I am sure their are a number of issue that lead a person to become violent and enraged. Many times the anger comes from a build up of stress and tension. The actions may even be out of the person's character, from all the accounts police have received, Belcher was a good guy but something made him snap. I am sure that there is a place in many of the aggressor's head that can justify all of their actions. It is an illness and must be treated as such. Just as drug abuse has to be treated, so does physical and emotional abuse.  I know that many times victims feel obligated to stay in the situation due to love and loyalty.  However, the truth is you staying is only making the situation worse.  When domestic violence is present the entire family unit is injured and the entire family unit needs to be healed.  This healing doesn't mean that the victim has to remain or return to the situation, just that they need to identify with signs and why it was allowed so it never happens again.  Your children need to know that this isn't acceptable behavior and that it isn't their fault.  Can you imagine how Belcher's mother has to feel? To have witnessed her son commit such a crime and then learn that he had taken his own life. She lost two people whom she loved dearly and is left to raise a grandchild who unknowingly bares the scares of domestic violence. Now that is a wound that will never heal...

No relationship is perfect and love is a roller coaster ride but it shouldn't leave you battered and bruised.  Never underestimate where a person's anger can take them and where it can leave you.  If they hit you once with no repercussions......... I WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!!   if they threaten to kill you, believe them and act quickly.  Their are many victims that could have saved their own lives if they had just taken heed to the signs.