Never Give Up

When I began my journey with Bigmama's Clothing/P.H.A T. Girl Fresh very few people believed and even fewer supported. My of my besties Vanessa Mott, encouraged me and gave me ideas.  My homeboy Robert Freeman gave me all the information I needed to start a business.   My college buddy Che brought the first P.H.A.T. Girl Fresh shirt and motivated me. I approached several people with my ideas in pursuit of a partnership, no one was interested.  I was discouraged, I felt defeated and I wanted to give up.  However, I kept going and believed in what God have shown me more than I focused on the my fear and naysayers. 

Things did not happen over night but they happened.  Slowly He continues to show me that He is GREATER. No matter what the situation, He has the final say. Even now as I prepare for greater, he is still showing up and showing out.

The moral of the story is, never give up on your dreams. Never allow someone else's blindness effect your beautiful picture. Things may not happen in your time but they will happen in God's time.  Don't allow fear to cripple you as it has the naysayers.  #beencouraged #phatgirlfresh #blackgirlsrock #allgirlsrock #curvygirlsrock #twoyearslater #dreams #stayfocused

NOT A DAY GOES BY.......

Seven years ago today, I lost my best friend/sister, Shannette Perkins Elijah.  She was an amazing person and a loving mother.  We had a friendship that began when we were 9 years old and will last eternally.  Our friendship is a great example of many of the things that I speak on all the time.  We didn't always agree on things and there were times when we would argue and/or get mad with one another.  However, we never loved one another any less.  There were periods when we were too busy to talk to each other on a daily basis but when we did it was as if nothing had changed.  There was never a time that she needed me that I didn't come to her aid and vice versa.  We loved one another and no matter what happened we knew that and we always let that guide our friendship.  We had so much fun together, there was never a dull moment and there was never any jealousy or competition.  We never felt indifferent about friends that we obtained along the way because we knew that nothing would ever come between what she and I shared and even in death, this holds true.  I have other friends whom I love with all my heart and consider my sisters but she remains in her special place in my heart.  It is so amazing to me that after 7 years, it still hasn't got any easier.  TO CONTINUE READING, CLICK THE FOLLOWING LINK.  http://www.phatgirlfresh.com/#!fresh-life/cute

P.H.A.T GIRL CLIQUE

I know that all of you have been seeing my post about being a part of the P.H.A.T GIRL CLIQUE.  It has been brought to my attention that some of you are not totally clear on what being a part of the group entails.  The P.H.A.T GIRL CLIQUE is a diverse group of positive, confident women. The intent is to work within your communities to enrich and empower other women and girls. Don't let the name fool you, the group is a sisterhood.  Although it was birthed from Bigmama's Clothing, it is not restricted to just plus size women.  Any woman who wants to help change the lives of others and give unselfishly is more than welcome.  If you become and member and desire to start an entire chapter, we will work with you to do so. This is a service sisterhood and just as our goal is to be of service to others, we will do the same for one another.   

As a plus size woman, I know that many women and girls (especially plus sized) struggle with self-esteem, body image and other issues.  They are not strong and bold enough be happy with who they are in the face of society.  This really makes me sad but I know the feeling all to well.  As a woman we bare a lot of the worlds burdens but we are never granted the empathy that we deserve.  As the mother's of this universe we are expected to nurture and be strong no matter what.  However, the reality is that is not always the case.  There is an entire generation of daughters who have yet to find their joy.  They are ashamed of who they are because of the reality of their existence.  Things like skin color, hair texture, weight and height should never make them ashamed of who they are, but it does.   As we have heard many times, we must be our sister's keeper and it takes a village to raise a child, so we must take action.  In order to help our sisters and the next generation, we must act now.  God has not given us all of the strength and boldness not to be of service to his people.  It doesn't matter what your religion or race is, we are all committed to service, and we are all connected as sisters. 

Being a part of the group is simple, there are no monetary requirements although once the board has been completely assembled we may ask you to purchase your gear so that we can represent (our clique).  However, I promise you it will be less than $20.  We are still in the planning stages but the foundation has been laid.  The board is already being formed and paperwork is being drawn up. Program coordinators are being contacted.  We have members from New York to Canada all the way down to Georgia and across to California, making stops in both Alabama and Texas.  I am asking that all interested ladies send me a bio and a photo because we need to build a member portfolio.  The photo's will also be used for the website, blog and other advertising.  I will make it a habit of making you ladies aware of any major decisions that are being made as I want all of us to build this into something greater than we ever imagined.  If you have suggestions or ideas, pleases don't hesitate to contact me, I will be listing all of my information below.  Also, many of the members are members of a Facebook group called Full Figured Fly and Fabulous, so if you would like to get to know some of the other sisters, please check the page out.  THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

bigmamaclothing@gmail.com is the email for bio and pics
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/maui.bigelow
https://www.facebook.com/BigmamasClothing
twitter
https://twitter.com/MSB_PLEZ
https://twitter.com/PHAT_GIRL_FRESH
Instagram
http://instagram.com/msb_plez/
http://instagram.com/bigmamas_clothing
Blogger
http://phatgirlfresh.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/FFFnFAB/

LOVE DOESN'T HURT (Domestic Violence)!!!

No matter how much we grow as people, there is one issue that always sneaks back into our homes.  That issue is domestic violence.  Domestic violence was traditional defined as violence or physical abuse directed toward your spouse or domestic partner; usually violence by men against women.  However, men can and are victims of domestic violence as well. The fact is although love is not perfect it damn sure doesn't hurt and no one has the right to physically or verbally abuse another.

Sadly enough domestic violence is again in the news following the murder/suicide in which, Jovan Belcher  a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs, shot and killed his girlfriend and later himself.  The situation is very sad because no one has answers and now there is a three month old baby who has neither a mother nor a father.  No one knows exactly what happened that led to the shooting other than the fact that the couple argued following Kasandra Perkins, 22 attending a concert the following night.  Police were contacted about the incident by Belcher's own mother, who reportedly stated that her daughter had been shot by her boyfriend.  As so many people mourn and ask why, we must face the reality that this will not be the last time this type of tragedy strikes. 

For many years, domestic violence was like that "pink elephant" in the room, every one knew it existed but no one acknowledged it.  However, with so many celebrities breaking their silence, and cases like O.J Simpson and Floyd Mayweather, domestic violence has a voice.  I remember growing up and watching my Fat Daddy(my grandma's long time boyfriend) beat on my Nannie(my grandmother).  I know that as a child behavior is learned but I never felt that it was right.  Although I loved and respected him(and still do), I never ever thought that what he did to her and us was right.  The reason I said us is because at the time me and my cousin were living with my Nannie and it really hurt and traumatized us.  What people tend to forget about domestic violence is there are indirect victims too.  Those of us who witness the abuse with no control over the situation, bare just as many scares as the ones who are being physically and verbally abused.  As a girl, I had the same question that I have for victims now; why don't you leave?  I was so bothered by the fact that my Nannie did not have the strength to just leave.  However, once her children got wind of it, she did leave but she allowed him back into our lives and it wasn't long before he was beating her again.  This is the sad truth of so many victims.

I am sure their are a number of issue that lead a person to become violent and enraged. Many times the anger comes from a build up of stress and tension. The actions may even be out of the person's character, from all the accounts police have received, Belcher was a good guy but something made him snap. I am sure that there is a place in many of the aggressor's head that can justify all of their actions. It is an illness and must be treated as such. Just as drug abuse has to be treated, so does physical and emotional abuse.  I know that many times victims feel obligated to stay in the situation due to love and loyalty.  However, the truth is you staying is only making the situation worse.  When domestic violence is present the entire family unit is injured and the entire family unit needs to be healed.  This healing doesn't mean that the victim has to remain or return to the situation, just that they need to identify with signs and why it was allowed so it never happens again.  Your children need to know that this isn't acceptable behavior and that it isn't their fault.  Can you imagine how Belcher's mother has to feel? To have witnessed her son commit such a crime and then learn that he had taken his own life. She lost two people whom she loved dearly and is left to raise a grandchild who unknowingly bares the scares of domestic violence. Now that is a wound that will never heal...

No relationship is perfect and love is a roller coaster ride but it shouldn't leave you battered and bruised.  Never underestimate where a person's anger can take them and where it can leave you.  If they hit you once with no repercussions......... I WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!!   if they threaten to kill you, believe them and act quickly.  Their are many victims that could have saved their own lives if they had just taken heed to the signs.

THE SOUL OF SISTERS

I was watching Oprah's Life Classes with Iyanla Vanzant this past Sunday and I was moved.  They were examining the relationships that women have with one another. They were shining light on the reason women are so hard on one another.  I must say that I was immediately able to identy with every thing that they were speaking one.  Now I would be a liar(which I am not), if I told you that I had not been the aggressor in many situations in my life time.  I have gossiped, I have been mean, I have competed and even been petty.  I have also been the victim. Which really tied into the fact that, "EVERYTHING WE PUT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE AT SOME POINT RETURNS TO US".  My question as an adult woman who sees her flaws, faults and knows better is, how do we stop the cycle? How do we begin to respect one another as women? 

Like I said before, I have been both victim and aggressor in these type situations.  Honestly I only in recent years begin to see the error of my ways.  I have always been this strong willed person.  Even when I fell victim to mean girls.  During middle/high school, I was not at all the most popular.  I was physically more mature than other girls my age.  Although I had nice clothes, my mom didn't allow us to wear many of the things other girls wore.  Yeah, I got to go places and do things but there were major restrictions.  All of these things made me a target.  However, honestly I never cared. I was comfortable with who I was and I never aspired to be anyone different. 

I guess because my mother instilled certain things in my, I was always this strong uncompromising person.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that comprise isn't all bad.  My mom always taught me to, "talk two time talk", meaning if you say it once be prepared to say it again.  Now I have lived by that all my life but the reality is, even though you say it again, you can still be wrong.  I have always known I was pretty but I have down talked or competed with others.  Maybe I did it because I wasnt happy with my body.  Maybe it was because I wanted something that the next sister had. Maybe, I didn't feel she deserved what she had.  Whatever the reason...... I did it.  I learned at a young age, that you dont have to be friends with everyone you come in contact with but, did I have to be mean?  The answer is no, but many times I was.  Not thinking about my sister's feelings, only knowing that I wasnt willing to compromise what I felt. 

I know that I give my mother credit for much  of my character, but in no way am I speaking negatively of the roots and wings she gave me.  What I am saying is I used the strength, knowledge and life tools she equipped me with in the wrong way on occasions.  I guess that is what she meant when she said, "I tell you things so you will have a good start up but eventually you will use that to come into your own".  While coming into my own I guess I begin to conform to societies norm. 

It has become a fact that women don't work well together.  Anytime there is a group of women, the likeliness that drama, gossiping and competition will arise is great.  I think that it is sad that women are unable to have the freedom to connect the way men do.  Yeah men have issues with one another but not to the extent that women do.  Why are the souls of sisters so heavy?  Why do we feel the need to rip one another apart?  Why can't we all be great, and appreciate the greatness in one another? 

BEAUTIFUL YOU

It really saddens me that some of the most beautiful people second guess themselves because of others.  Just because others see you differently doesn't make you any less fabulous.  Society is set up to make us feel as though we have to be perfect but no one is.  No one will ever be blessed enough to be excepted fully by everyone.  No matter who you please, in spite of who embraces your talent and beauty, there will be someone who has an issue.  Since this is our reality, why not cut the middle men(women) out and opt to just be happy on your own terms.  Except the reality of your existence and be as fabulous as God intended for you to be.

I know that people see me as this strong, confident, beautiful intelligent woman(well that what I have been told).  However, I have not always been this way.  I went through a period in which I thought I was ugly, fat and unworthy of any thing great.  I felt as though I had no purpose. I literally had to learn to love myself.  I had to come to terms with the reality of my existence.  I had to stand face to face with myself.  I know that sounds easy but it is not.  In no way is it easy to dissect yourself, but that is exactly what I did.  I opened myself up and extracted both the good and the bad and then analyzed it.  Some of the things that I thought were bad were good, and some of the things I thought were good were bad.  Of course the good needed no adjusting but the bad had to be reckoned with.  Why was I  mean?  Why was I a fighter?  Why was I depressed?  Why was I sad? What I came up with was probably the same thing many of you would come up with if you did the same.... It is not you that has made you second guess yourself, it is society.  

Society has made us believe so many lies and these lies ultimately tear us down.  You know what I mean..........  if you aren't a size 3 you are fat, and if you are fat you are worthless.  If you don't look a certain way, you are ugly or if you don't have certain material items you are irrelevant. However, as I said before, these are all lies!!!  You don't have to conform to be beautiful, all you have to do is BE.

Stop letting others make you feel like your not whatever it is that you know you are.  If you know that you are a beautiful, intelligent person, be that person.  Be bold about who you are and what you possess.
If you aren't proud, appreciative or in tune with who are, you can't live...... You just exist.  Life is so much happier when you live out loud.  Society my have its standards but when you say to the world; this is me, I make no apologies or excuses for who I am, I love that person that I see in the mirror and I am not going away, the world had two options. The first option is to see you for who you are and love you.  The second is remain ignorant and closed minded and respect you. 

So with all of that being said, in spite of your imperfections....... YOU BETTA WERK!!!  Stut as if you are a peacock!! Let the world know, I am here, I am beautiful and I refuse to be denied!!! 

Letter to Keke Dillard

Hello Keke, I am writing this in response to your facebook post about the plus size community(https://www.facebook.com/kekedillard?ref=t).  I really appreciate you going there and putting that information out there.  I have been doing my own research and I can say that everything that you stated in your post is factual.  I am a blogger and I am also in the process of opening a boutique in my area, both aimed at plus size woman.  Although I write because it is one of my passions along with fashion, it doesn't always seem promising. My Big-Mama blog is all about and for us(PHAT GIRLS) many times I feel like I am my audience.  My reasoning is that if I am able to write something that will reach, help or inspire one of my plus size sister's, I will be happy and the same goes with fashion.  I think that the problem is that most of the PHAT GIRLS (affectionately used to identify plus size women, by me) have allowed society and it's views get the best of them.  The sad part is that we are hurting ourselves and our kind to please the minority.................

Society has painted this picture of greed and filth and associated it with being plus sized.  We are thought to not have self control. It is said that we are less beautiful than other woman, and are less deserving of love and a good mate. It is thought that we should have to settle for the scraps when it comes to romance.   We are not at all healthy and have no value of life.  We (society) tell our children not to be fat as though it is the same as being a thief or a murderer.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "yes she is pretty, but she is fat" or, "you have a pretty face", I would be rich.  I guess in hearing these things so much, many woman have begin to believe them instead of the truth.  The truth is, bad health is housed in the bodies of both fat and slim woman.  A person's beauty has nothing to do with their size or  face for that matter, it is about who you are on the inside.  Men (real men) are not effected by a woman's size as much as he is her character, personality and intelligence.    We are just as great as any other woman, but each individual PHAT GIRL HAS TO BELIEVE THAT!!!!

Until PHAT GIRLS learn to except the realities of their existence, we will always be on the low end of the totem pole.  The fact is plus size businesses aren't successful because so many PHAT GIRLS are ashamed of who they are.  In a way I think that many PHAT GIRLS feel that supporting "BIG" business means you are OK with being the person that society says we are, which is not true.  We are not that ugly picture at all!!!!  However, the only way to prove them wrong is to embrace who you truly are and not who they have falsely made you out to be.  It is OK to have a desire to be healthy(if you are unhealthy) or to lose weight but no matter what your size is love you and identify with what lies beneath.

Keke, for the past year, I have been trying to start a PHAT GIRL MOVEMENT, because the need is so great.  I am a big bold woman, and it pains me to know that so many of my PHAT GIRLS are afraid to declare the same thing.  I just don't know what give them the right to not be BOLD, FIERCE AND PROUD OF EVERY OUNCE OF THEMSELVES.  I come in contact with so many woman who are waiting to lose weight so that they can get that new hair style, dress up and even go out and have fun.  I try to tell them your size isn't restricting you, you lack of love and confidence for yourself is.  Most PHAT GIRLS are their own worst enemy. I mean really, if you were bold and didn't believe in yourself, do you think the investor would have?  I think not!!!!  It is our duty as bold, beautiful intelligent PHAT GIRLS, to stand up and be heard.  We have to continue to encourage and empower our sisters to love themselves and make no apologies for who they are.

GOODBYE AND HELLO

For those of you who know me on a personal level, you know that I have had a very hard year.  It has been extremely challenging and filled with tears. However, I think that this year in the midst of my storm, I learn somethings that I thought I already knew about myself.  I have always known that I was strong but I learned exactly how strong of a woman I am.  I know that a person's attitude and will can carry them a long way and that is what kept me most of the time.  I was determined to live and not die.  I was determined to enjoy the people that I love and I knew that God would heal my body and my mind.  Yes I said mind, because my mind was just as afflicted as my body.  I was afraid of what I was going through and afraid to speak on it because everyone expects me to be so strong.  I walked around the majority of this year wearing a mask, pretending to be happy and brave when I was sad and scared.  So yes, that had my mind all messed up!!!  I was depressed because at the time I was thinking about what the doctor's thought and not what God PROMISED!!!!  It is funny how the devil slid in and placed all that doubt in my head and sad how I let him.  

Aside from being sick, I had to battle with myself in regards to people, how I treat others, how they treat me, how they perseve me and a number of other things.  What I had to do was realize that there are times when it is alright to be selfish.  There is nothing wrong with looking out for self.  People that are in your life for a season will eventually have to go.  When a person is operating outside of what you believe in, it is OK to let them go.  If you find yourself in a situation where you are unhappy, it is fine to walk away.  I learned that there is no need to subject myself to drama and drama seeker's because that is not who I am.  So during the course of this year I have lost a lot of people not to death but to life and that is great.  It made me a better person and gave me more peace.  Do I hate them, am I mad at them....... NO!!!!  Do I love and care for them, would I be there if they needed me................ YES!!!  However, I don't miss the drama that they brought to my life.  

 I can't say that the entire year was a bust because it wasn't.  I begin to write more and acquire an audience.  I started two businesses, and although they didn't get me in Forbes...... I did profit and gain a great deal of knowledge and experience.  I also learned more of what my purpose is and I begin to travel that path.  I would like to think that I have helped my fellow man along the way as well.  My faith has been renewed and I am stronger than ever.  However, all that sickness, sadness, loniness, doubt, drama and everything else negative.................. I WILL NOT MISS!!!  AND ON THAT NOTE, GOODBYE 2011

HELLO 2012!!!!!!! (YES I AM SCREAMING) I AM VERY PLEASED TO GREET YOU WITH A HEALTH BODY, A CLEAR MIND AND A SMILE THAT WILL BLIND THE SUN.  ALL THAT SWAG, BOLDNESS AND ATITTUDE THAT I LOST IN 2011 IS BACK!!!  I AM READY TO TAKE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO THE NEXT LEVEL; MY BUSINESSES, MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY, MY EDUCATION.............. EVERYTHING!!!  IF YOU ARE APART OF MY CIRCLE, READ MY BLOGS OR A FRIEND OF A FRIEND, YOU BETTER GET READY BECAUSE WE ARE HEADED TO THE TOP.  I DON'T WANT TO GO BY MYSELF, I WANT YOU TO GO TOO.  THE WORLD IS GONNA GET TIRED OF ME AND MY MOUTH AND GOD IS GONNA GET TIRED OF ME PRAYING AND PRAISING.  I REFUSE TO START A NEW YEAR WITH THAT OLD MESS, NOT MAUI!!!  MY DREAMS STRECTH SO FAR BEYOND WHAT YOU KNOW OF ME AND I PLAN TO GO FOR ALL OF THEM.  NO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT AND ALL THOSE OTHER RESOLUTIONS.  I AM TALKING LIFE AND LIVING IT TO THE FULLEST.  I AM TALKING CAPITOLIZING ON EVERY OPPORTUNITY AND CREATING THE ONE'S THAT AREN'T ALREADY THERE.  I WILL BE GIVING THE WORLD MY OUTLOOK AND IMPUT VIA THE "MAUILOGUES".  I WILL BE EMPOWERING, ENCOURAGING AND INFORMING MY PHAT GIRLS WITH MY "BIGMAMA'S" BLOG.  IF YOU NEED A MAKE-UP ARTIST OR A SKIN CONSULTATION, I CAN GET YOU "ALL DOLLED UP".  ALTHOUGH I ALREADY INTRODUCED THE TEE SHIRT LINE FOR MY PHAT GIRLS AND I APPRECIATED THE PURCHASES,  I WILL BE OFFICIALLY LAUNCHING THE SHIRTS AND INTRODUCING YOU TO "BIGMAMA'S CLOTHING"!!!  SO GET READY FREDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!  FOR ALL THOSE DOUBTER'S AND NAYSAYER'S, KEEP THE NEGATIVITY TO YOURSELF AND STAY OUT OF MY WAY.  YOU CAN EITHER ROLL WITH ME OR GET ROLLED OVER BECAUSE YOU CAN'T STOP A BIG WHEEL(WILL) FOR ROLLING.......... AND MY WILL(WHEEL) IS BIG

WELCOME

HELLO TO ALL OF YOU.  I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS BLOG, BECAUSE IT IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART.  THIS IS A PLACE OF COMFORT, ENCOURAGEMENT AND HAPPINESS FOR ALL MY PLUS SIZED SISTERS/DIVA'S.  THE GOAL IS TO TOUCH ON ANY SUBJECTS THAT YOU DEEM NECESSARY.  I WILL BE PROVIDING YOU WITH MY EMAIL ADDRESS SO THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO CONTACT ME ON A MORE PERSONAL AND PRIVATE LEVEL.  I AM VERY BOLD, OUTSPOKEN AND HONEST BUT I KNOW THAT EVERY WOMEN IS NOT LIKE THAT, SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING AND TO WRITE ABOUT IT PRIVATELY, I WILL DO SO.  I REALLY WANT AS MUCH FEED BACK AS I CAN, SO PLEASE COMMENT!!!   I LOVE BEING A WOMAN, AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE BEING A PLUS SIZED WOMAN, BECAUSE IT REQUIRES EXTRA OF EVERYTHING!!!!  I WANT OTHER WOMEN LIKE ME TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE SAME BEAUTY AS ANY OTHER WOMAN AND ARE JUST AS VALUABLE.  


I WILL ALSO BE GIVING BEAUTY TIPS, SPOTLIGHTING COMPANIES AND SERVICES.  HOWEVER, ANY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE USED FOR THE UP BUILDING OF YOU.  NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR SHY ABOUT ADDRESSING ANY ISSUE, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE HERE FOR....................BIGMAMACLOTHING@GMAIL.COM