THE SOUL OF SISTERS

I was watching Oprah's Life Classes with Iyanla Vanzant this past Sunday and I was moved.  They were examining the relationships that women have with one another. They were shining light on the reason women are so hard on one another.  I must say that I was immediately able to identy with every thing that they were speaking one.  Now I would be a liar(which I am not), if I told you that I had not been the aggressor in many situations in my life time.  I have gossiped, I have been mean, I have competed and even been petty.  I have also been the victim. Which really tied into the fact that, "EVERYTHING WE PUT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE AT SOME POINT RETURNS TO US".  My question as an adult woman who sees her flaws, faults and knows better is, how do we stop the cycle? How do we begin to respect one another as women? 

Like I said before, I have been both victim and aggressor in these type situations.  Honestly I only in recent years begin to see the error of my ways.  I have always been this strong willed person.  Even when I fell victim to mean girls.  During middle/high school, I was not at all the most popular.  I was physically more mature than other girls my age.  Although I had nice clothes, my mom didn't allow us to wear many of the things other girls wore.  Yeah, I got to go places and do things but there were major restrictions.  All of these things made me a target.  However, honestly I never cared. I was comfortable with who I was and I never aspired to be anyone different. 

I guess because my mother instilled certain things in my, I was always this strong uncompromising person.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that comprise isn't all bad.  My mom always taught me to, "talk two time talk", meaning if you say it once be prepared to say it again.  Now I have lived by that all my life but the reality is, even though you say it again, you can still be wrong.  I have always known I was pretty but I have down talked or competed with others.  Maybe I did it because I wasnt happy with my body.  Maybe it was because I wanted something that the next sister had. Maybe, I didn't feel she deserved what she had.  Whatever the reason...... I did it.  I learned at a young age, that you dont have to be friends with everyone you come in contact with but, did I have to be mean?  The answer is no, but many times I was.  Not thinking about my sister's feelings, only knowing that I wasnt willing to compromise what I felt. 

I know that I give my mother credit for much  of my character, but in no way am I speaking negatively of the roots and wings she gave me.  What I am saying is I used the strength, knowledge and life tools she equipped me with in the wrong way on occasions.  I guess that is what she meant when she said, "I tell you things so you will have a good start up but eventually you will use that to come into your own".  While coming into my own I guess I begin to conform to societies norm. 

It has become a fact that women don't work well together.  Anytime there is a group of women, the likeliness that drama, gossiping and competition will arise is great.  I think that it is sad that women are unable to have the freedom to connect the way men do.  Yeah men have issues with one another but not to the extent that women do.  Why are the souls of sisters so heavy?  Why do we feel the need to rip one another apart?  Why can't we all be great, and appreciate the greatness in one another? 

Letter to Keke Dillard

Hello Keke, I am writing this in response to your facebook post about the plus size community(https://www.facebook.com/kekedillard?ref=t).  I really appreciate you going there and putting that information out there.  I have been doing my own research and I can say that everything that you stated in your post is factual.  I am a blogger and I am also in the process of opening a boutique in my area, both aimed at plus size woman.  Although I write because it is one of my passions along with fashion, it doesn't always seem promising. My Big-Mama blog is all about and for us(PHAT GIRLS) many times I feel like I am my audience.  My reasoning is that if I am able to write something that will reach, help or inspire one of my plus size sister's, I will be happy and the same goes with fashion.  I think that the problem is that most of the PHAT GIRLS (affectionately used to identify plus size women, by me) have allowed society and it's views get the best of them.  The sad part is that we are hurting ourselves and our kind to please the minority.................

Society has painted this picture of greed and filth and associated it with being plus sized.  We are thought to not have self control. It is said that we are less beautiful than other woman, and are less deserving of love and a good mate. It is thought that we should have to settle for the scraps when it comes to romance.   We are not at all healthy and have no value of life.  We (society) tell our children not to be fat as though it is the same as being a thief or a murderer.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "yes she is pretty, but she is fat" or, "you have a pretty face", I would be rich.  I guess in hearing these things so much, many woman have begin to believe them instead of the truth.  The truth is, bad health is housed in the bodies of both fat and slim woman.  A person's beauty has nothing to do with their size or  face for that matter, it is about who you are on the inside.  Men (real men) are not effected by a woman's size as much as he is her character, personality and intelligence.    We are just as great as any other woman, but each individual PHAT GIRL HAS TO BELIEVE THAT!!!!

Until PHAT GIRLS learn to except the realities of their existence, we will always be on the low end of the totem pole.  The fact is plus size businesses aren't successful because so many PHAT GIRLS are ashamed of who they are.  In a way I think that many PHAT GIRLS feel that supporting "BIG" business means you are OK with being the person that society says we are, which is not true.  We are not that ugly picture at all!!!!  However, the only way to prove them wrong is to embrace who you truly are and not who they have falsely made you out to be.  It is OK to have a desire to be healthy(if you are unhealthy) or to lose weight but no matter what your size is love you and identify with what lies beneath.

Keke, for the past year, I have been trying to start a PHAT GIRL MOVEMENT, because the need is so great.  I am a big bold woman, and it pains me to know that so many of my PHAT GIRLS are afraid to declare the same thing.  I just don't know what give them the right to not be BOLD, FIERCE AND PROUD OF EVERY OUNCE OF THEMSELVES.  I come in contact with so many woman who are waiting to lose weight so that they can get that new hair style, dress up and even go out and have fun.  I try to tell them your size isn't restricting you, you lack of love and confidence for yourself is.  Most PHAT GIRLS are their own worst enemy. I mean really, if you were bold and didn't believe in yourself, do you think the investor would have?  I think not!!!!  It is our duty as bold, beautiful intelligent PHAT GIRLS, to stand up and be heard.  We have to continue to encourage and empower our sisters to love themselves and make no apologies for who they are.

P.H.A.T GIRL FRIDAY

WELL LADIES, AS IT WILL BE EVERY FRIDAY....... TODAY IS P.H.A.T(PRETTY HOT AND TEMPTING) FRIDAY!!!  NO SAD OR BAD NEWS.  NO DEEP THOUGHT PROVOKING TOPIC AND MOST OF ALL NO TEARJERKERS!!!  JUST HAPPINESS AND ENCOURAGING WORDS!!!!!!  


ON THIS P.H.A.T GIRL FRIDAY, I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO CELEBRATE YOU IN ALL OF YOUR SPLENDOR. CELEBRATE WHATEVER IT IS THAT MAKES YOU THE AMAZING PERSON YOU KNOW YOU ARE.  DO SOMETHING IN HONOR OF WHO YOU ARE, SOMETHING THAT BRINGS YOU JOY.  THERE IS A TIME FOR SELFISHNESS, DURING THAT TIME IT SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT YOU.  YOUR HAPPINESS IS REQUIRED, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE LOVED ONES WHO DEPEND ON YOU.  HAPPIER YOU ARE, THE MORE YOUR BEAUTY RADIATES.  I WANT YOU TO ALL KNOW THAT YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU DESIRE.  OUR TRUE BEAUTY HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR PHYSICAL FEATURES BUT WHAT IS EMBEDDED IN US THAT RADIATES OUTWARD.  OUR TRUE BEAUTY IS REALLY WHAT DEFINES US AND ALLOW THE WORLD THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING WHO WE TRULY ARE.